Woke up at 4 a.m. Today. Like finally, after many weeks of setting the alarm at that ghostly hour and never ever even finding my hand at the snooze button.
But waking up was just the first hurdle. Now sitting my ass down and writing, that’s the trouble. Been this way a couple of months, actually, mmaybe the whole year, come to think of it. Skipping days, not finishing what I start, finding content in writing waayy below my usual word quota, like I have the luxury to, that’s why I was setting the alarm at 4 a.m. Thinking I could at least put in two hours of penmonkeyship before the rigours of the real world consumed the rest of my day.
This negligible surrender of my dream of writing has put me in quite the predicament, my day job’s winding up in like a month, almost no savings I can talk of, and a stack of unfinished novel manuscripts. My horizons have contracted, so to speak. Without rushing into despair, and existential angst (which i’m quite sure I’m already in) I had to make a quick evaluation, had to listen to a ton of motivational tapes, not writing resources, but motivational tapes, because along the way, the passion for the dream kinda lost urgency… a bleak thing to say about the only thing that brings you any joy and defines your life, but yeah, that’s how deep down the rabbit hole I’d delved.
These motivational speakers, Les Brown, Anthony Robbins, Zig Zigler and Earl Nightingale have been a tremendous help, really. Enough is enough, I said to myself, I need to snap out of my rut and get writing. God knows the task ahead of my is Sisyphean, but I have belief and conviction and am acting as though it were impossible to fail, I’m doing the work. Everyday, all day, all night, 25/8.
I’m staying primitive, I’m trusting the soup, swinging for the seats(Inspiration Courtesy of Steven Pressfield’s DO THE WORK) and all that…
The problem is all this dread and sense of urgency has now put a lot of pressure on my writing to do quite impossible i.e. Miraculous feats… the process doesn’t matter now, nor intent, only results. This is my own personal declaration that nothing’a going to stop me now.