People ask me what am afraid of?

And I say that am afraid we might all be wrong; the Christians, the Moslems, the Buddhists, the SDAs, Jehovah’s Witness, Mormons, Jews, Shamans, Yogis, Coptics, Hindus, Atheists, Scientologists, Agnostics, Satanists. All of them.

The chances of either one of them being right is very unlikely, the odds are however stacked on them all being wrong. That’s probability for you.

Am afraid ’cause this might all be a dream (of a dream)?

What if this is a matrix? What if there’s no matrix? What if like bending a spoon with your mind, there’s no spoon, no mind, just perception. That’s another fickle thing, perception, how can one really trust perception.

What if there’s no God, no enlightenment?

It scares me that even if we found God in ourselves we’re incapable of loving Him/Her/It fiercely enough for it to matter.

What if there’s no hell, no Purgatory, no Heaven? No nothing?

What if death is final, but isn’t really final? What if there are no souls, no metaphysics, no metempsychosis, no reincarnation, no karma, no fate, no predestination? Nothing.

What if there’s no such thing as the human condition? What if nothing is eternal? What if causality is nothing but the anchor of this dream loop we’re stuck in. What if?

What if. What if. What if…

I’m scared because we have no criterion for anything. Existence doesn’t precede essence if essence can’t define the parameters of it’s own precedence. Schrodinger’s cat isn’t really Schrodinger’s cat if you keep the lid open.

I’m scared that we’re everything within our own nothingness. We’re self-sufficient in our absurdity, in our insignificance. I’m scared that we live in mystery. That no matter how good the questions, the answers will always be meaningless. Because to know everything is to know nothing.

I’m scared that all this is an illusion. A mirror of a name. Am scared that even though I’m the mirror, I don’t know what that name is.

 That’s what scares me. Oh and people with really small ears.


4 thoughts on “WHAT SCARES ME?

    1. I’ve read this. Wow. It’s beautiful and very poignant. And its filled with truth.
      Love the way you end it, “If he stole my name, then I will steal his.” lovely.
      Wishing you all the best in this endeavour.

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